iPhoning It In

Just saw NEW MOON. It was SOO much better than TWILIGHT. Thank goodness they replaced the director.

AnywY, I am typing this on my iPhone, that I'd how dedicated I am to NaBloPoMo. Sure I could be paying attention to the conversation around me, but I just realized that I didn't write a post today.

The photo shoot was cancelled today due to illness (the photog, not me). So the good news is that I have a few more days to work out. On the upside, I got to see the Doc. First tome in 2
months. It was a good session & I'm glad I got to see her before the holidays.

Let's takes minute to thank the powers that be for the auto-spell feature on iPhone - otherwise this post would gave been a hotter mess than it already is.

5-4-Friday

1. Oprah's leaving her show. I'm sitting here watching her announcement, crying. I love me some Oprah. I would love to work for OWN, her new network and have scoured the jobsites at Discovery for listings. Interwebs/Universe/whoever is listening, if you have connections at OWN, let me know!

2. Only 73 days until LOST returns.

Mmmm, Sawyer. Now, take off your shirt.

Good boy.

3. I love the smell of Cool Water. Always have. There is nothing better than a man who smells good and something about Cool Water does it for me. {cat sound}

4. Just one of the 50 Practical Tips to Save You Half A Lifetime: Never kid yourself you can make something of somebody; instead, find someone who’s making something of themselves, and help them, otherwise years can be expended trying to push the human equivalent of a wet end of spaghetti up a wall.

Word.

5. I agreed to pose for my friend Danielle Biel tomorrow and I am really fucking a tad nervous. She is doing a series of figure studies and they are just gorgeous, so when she asked for volunteers, I signed up immediately. Because, who doesn't want to look like this?!

See?? Gaw. geous.

But now I am scared and I keep telling myself to "feel the fear", as Sunshine says, and get in there and take off my clothes. Wait. What? Ok, I need to do another set of situps....

If you are in the LA area (or are going to be), Danielle is working on a new series and needs models. She is looking for women 18-80 who have undergone physical and emotional challenges. "The object is to tastefully illuminate beauty in all forms, revealing the story of adversity conquered and confidence through beautiful photographs." If you are interested, check out the casting call.

She is completely open but here are some of the women she would like to illuminate and celebrate:

mastectomy (with or without reconstructive surgery)
birthmark or another physical attribute you’ve grown to love and appreciate
divorce or other life event that resulted in a beautiful change
scarring
suicide survivor
cutter scars
amputation
burns
rape or abuse survivor
hair loss

Danielle is an amazing photographer and if you are interested in working with her on this series, click here.

PS - Between the shirtless Sawyer and the naked lady pics, this may be my sexiest post to date. Go me!

Thursday's Thought - Courage

Cowardly Lion: What makes a King out of a slave? COURAGE! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? COURAGE! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? COURAGE! What makes the Sphinx the Seventh Wonder? COURAGE! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? COURAGE! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the ape in ape-ricot? What have they got that I ain't got?

All: Courage.

Cowardly Lion: You can say that again.

Remember all my talk about going back to school? Well, I missed two big application deadlines this week and I haven't requested transcripts or even registered for the GRE. I am really disappointed in myself and after a bit of self-reflection, I figured it out.

I'm scared.

I'm scared that I won't do well on the GRE. I am scared that my personal statement will suck, that my recommendations won't be glowing enough.

I'm afraid if I get into a program, I won't be smart enough. I'm afraid I will have trouble keeping up. How many of my classmates will be single moms? Hell, how many will even be in their 30s??

I'm afraid that the programs I am interested are going to wind up being a waste of time and that after 2 years and buckets of money, that I will be right where I am today: a temp. Except I will be a 35 year old temp with a kindergartener and deeper wrinkles and deeper in debt.

*sigh*

As I type this, the Gwen Stefani song "What You Waiting For?" is playing. "Take a chance, you stupid ho". And yet, I can't.

I am paralyzed with fear. And this is new for me. I usually just forge ahead, crossing T's and dotting I's, figuring that it will all turn out right in the end. But I think the last year has taken a toll on me. Things don't seem to be turning out all right. My head knows that nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass, yadda yadda yadda...but after all the interviews that went no where, the relationship with the Ex Man that gets worse rather than better, I am suffering from a serious lack of courage.

Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!

I won!

Remember that contest I told you about? You remember...this one from Have A Cute Day.

Well, I WON! I am the headless, non-pregnant gal on the right. WOOOO HOOO!

Even better? There's a prize! I love prizes...and who could resist these pretties?

Speaking of contests, I found out this week that I was nominated for a Love! This Site Award over at DivineCaroline. I was nominated in the Parenting category, which strikes me as funny because I'm feeling like a less-than-stellar parent these days.

But they are awarding gift cards and I don't turn down gift cards. No sir!

So, if you are reading this, you must like me a little bit. But do you like me enough to click here and vote? Well, do you?

We'll see....

Kryptonite

I feel like I have gone 10 rounds in the ring.

Bubba has been sick off and on for the last few days and while I get that whining is one of the perks of being sick, it is starting to wear on me. Everything is a whine. Even when he says "Please" it comes out whiny. But he's sick and I suck it up.

However, I am having a hard time sucking up the constant pleas for the Ex Man. They are my Kryptonite. I am powerless when he starts to cry for Daddy, saying he wants "to go to Daddy's small house" and sleep there. Or this morning, when he wanted Daddy to brush his teeth. I tried to keep from crying as I continued to help him brush his teeth, telling him that Daddy will brush his teeth tomorrow night, when he's at Daddy's house.

I KNOW that he's 3 and he's not choosing his dad over me because he loves me less. I KNOW that I shouldn't take it personally. But I do.

I spend all night at his bedside when he's throwing up. I snuggle him, make sure he drinks fluids, watch movies with him. I feel like I have found a good balance of good cop/bad cop, fun parent/disciplinarian and it kills me that it's the Ex Man that Bubba calls for.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it is. I'm feeling worthless and insignificant. The one thing that I think I am consistently good at is being a mom. HIS mom. And everytime he calls for his dad, it feels like a punch in the gut countered with a kick in the teeth.